My reality is being too often Peter Pumpkin Eaters soon-to-be Ex Wife (thank goodness) and so I do not get out into the Real World as much and that may seem odd to a lot of folks but to me “it is what it is” For Now.
Not going to go into all the whyfores but in the past I stayed home as a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) and I Home Schooled and in those days we had 1 vehicle, he was off in the bonies doing construction. Now I will just state finances suck. But I am a person who Counts Her Blessings whilst *not* Counting her Chickens Before They hatch.
Grateful Heart, Homespun Common Sense and a Dash of Superstition; that is just a part of who I am. Part of my Reality.
I went to the Psych Dr today. The “quack” as my middle daughter calls him. I agree. Today was his last chance at quackery with me depending on how he handled my issues. I am not happy so new Dr search starts Monday.
I have written before I have mild Bipolar. In the past few weeks, especially this wekk it flared up more than usual. I had to stop taking one Rx Med as it made me into a non-functiong zombie-like person. (My brains were what was eaten up though, no one else’s.) *winks*
As I need my mind functioning on all 6 cyclinders with as few backfires as possible please… I took myself off these Meds and it was the lowest dose too and still mucking me up. Unfortunately I am highly sensitive to meds.
So yes. I need my brain and body functioning as best it can as I write, I help others, and I am a Mum. If I cannot do these things I might as well not be alive at all.
I am doing better but not. I had one med changed dosage wise and he did nothing in regards to the bipolar. So, fired is he. It is not easy having Bipolar, it is harder still if the Dr that is supposed to help you Pushes You through the cracks. He should have tried another med. I asked. He ignored me. Okay then. *sad sighs*
I refuse to be another statistic and I am usually empowered and proactive. When you are depressed, stressed, bipolar and have “stuffage” going on it is highly Necessary to have Support in and from your Doctors.
Thank goodness my daughters are supportive, I have You all here in Tumblr Land, a few dear friends that love me in my faults and good points and my dog who loves me unconditionally and nevr thinks I am moody or too fat or too anything. *le sigh*
~~~
I had to go clothes shopping today. Looking for a bra in Kohl’s for me was not fun at all. I am not typical as I do not like shopping usually. I did okay with the store, the noise and I chatted with a few folks whilst I waited for the soon to be ex to pick me up. I got a few things. I did not get a bra. I hated myself for a bit as the bloody dressing rooms are All e way mirrors. I thought Oh My Gods! It was an ordeal for me. I thought I looked Better than that after the weight I had lost. *big sighs*
So then I had a necessary Self-Talk of:
“Starra. Stop right now. You can and will lose weight and you will be okay. And try to remember that certain good men Love/Appreciate youir body, mind and heart. You are not just a body and you know Tumblr has been great for you and others with body image issues. So STOP that and Remember Who You Really Are. Love Yourself and think good thoughts.”
It helps too that I know just what I’d say to anyone else and Mean It too.Etc etc etc..”
I decided to Not think of this and I did it after a bit of sliding in and out of negative thinking.
So Kohl’s needs a Reality Check on Real Sized persons too. WE all are not tiny nor are we all between 5’4 and 5’7.
Sales Associates agreed with me on this. I Talk to anyone. lol
So yes, there Lingerie Dept is sad if you are a Plus Sized lady, and the Plus Size Women’s clothing made me want to shriek. *shudders* at the well ugliness of the clothing. I found a simple top that if/when I go on a job interview it will look nice. I need a few dresses, skirts and shoes and will go elsewhere Later for these… or as I prefer Shop Online.
I lusted after a pair of boots. I enjoyed the back massage chair. 2nd floor was too hot, had loud holiday music (scary) and thus I went back downstairs as quick as I could.
Cooler air, quieter and I amused myself people watching. Wished I had not forgotten my book in the car though along with my watyer bottle.
Came home and crashed hard as I was not feeling well. I did not sleep well the night before and too many Thoughts in my head. That too is a Bipolar deal, we cannot shut it all down like “normals”.
I am realising my triggers are caffeine which causes me not to get needed sleep. So back to decaf coffee and meditating, as well as a few other things in my Healthy Lifestyle Change Plans.
Reality for Me and the Real World is Getting Healthier, Fitter and Finding my Joy in Life as part of my Healthy Lifestyle Changes too. The so-called Real World is odd at best. I like being a Homebody and hope Someday to work from home as a Life Coach & Writer (well paid please Universe in Both) and to live in a nice Community of friendly interesting Artsy folks. That is my Joy too.
I admit I missed being online with you Tumblr folks, but Sleep was necessary. Hoping Y’all are Well and Life is Good.
Shine Dark,
Starra
