I feel like I have had this pesky rooster crowing every few minutes throughout the night waking me up or keeping me from a much needed sleep. He is crowing not at the Dawning sun, but the false light of a street lamp called “Worry”.

And I am a wise enough woman (as well as a bit of a smart ass) to know that it is not good for me, it is self-defeating, and I ought to throw some rocks at its proverbial ugly head.
(No I will not throw rocks at a real roosters head. lol)

I woke up thinking. (When don’t I?) And these thoughts were:

I am just seeing the problems, the bills, the NEGs. I am  seeing the Problems, the Mountain I need to climb to get out of this Valley of Despair. I am so worried about the bridge I must cross I am not seeing where I am at this moment in time. Therefore I am missing the needed Vision to get through and to Be in the Present Moment, where I need to and ought to be.

THAT will not do. So, Stop it I say to me-self. Get the heck out of my head worries, I declare forcefully.

It is Time to welcome in Providence, to RE-Affirm my Faith in the Universe, Goddess & God. Let Spirit overflow. And bloody well Count my Many Blessings and See all the reasons I have to smile.

Family, Friends, and more… I am Blessed all round!

This is just a bump in the road to a Wonderful Life.

It is time I stop letting things like money & bills drive me batty.
Make me lose sleep. To embrace all the Love that is in and around me. I shall with each new breath.

I am not “broke”. Not broken either. 

(I certainly do not need fixing)

I am Overflowing With Abundance and Prosperity!

The Universe, Goddess & God are providing for me just as they always have, and always will.

I need to get out of their way with the burdens I have been carrying that were so big I could not see clearly Life and the Path being laid out in front of me. And these are not my burdens to carry. No, not mine to carry at all.

So I start this day with a beatific smile over (many) Splendored Things, and with my Faith Renewed. If I am going to call myself a Woman of Faith I ought to be Believing hadn’t I? (I am no hyopocrite)

What I am is fallible, and weak at times.

So forgive me my fears, and let me begin again.

I Will Prevail.

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. … For there are these three things that endure: Faith, Hope and Love, but the Greatest of these is Love” ~ I Corinthians 13: 13

Shine Dark,
Starra

The days are flying by yet not really. I am lonely for One Soul, and yet my Joy still shows. The year certainly has flown by. Heck the year 2000 seems to have to me.

It must mean something when the youth notice time seeming to go by faster. I do not think I noticed as much. Was it because even in the 1960’s to 1980’s life was slower paced, or was I just stuck living in my head? Maybe a goodly bit of both.

Living in my head I saved myself from losing my mind. Living in my head I used so much imagination that as a writer and a person, oh and as a mom too, it stood in me good stead. Moms need to be creative. Kids certainly are!

I still live in my head as it is full of Hopes, Dreams, Aspirations, Plans and much more. I have deep pockets I may never show anyone fully. Scratching the surface is some, only a select few get to see the depths. I am wary of sharing too much of me, rejection for being ones self is quite painful.

I think I will handle rejection letters from publishers better than I have rejection from the opposite sex. I have gotten a bit thicker skinned. I like me, like my body, love my inner self. She is pretty decent if a bit cranky today.

New Rx meds are not fun for my loved ones or myself, but i slept. RLS is irksome. You feel like a puppet on strings. Muscle relaxants live up to their name. I am far too relaxed. I need energy! None to be found in the last cup of coffee in my house either. Buggernuts.

Regarding those “rejection” letters, I will know more after I get brave enough to send my writing in to a editor or publication. Soon. I have a few leads I want/need to follow. Possibly getting paid for writing. Woohoo! To do what you love is the best thing one can do vocationally.

I always told my daughters this. Do what you love if you can. Otherwise, as a friend stated once, “Do what you must to pay the bills, then do what you love afterwards and/or as a hobby or volunteer.” Sound advice in this era of unemployment.

So I will do what Needs Must. Pay my bills. Write more than I ever have been able to. Close the chapter on the book of my long term marriage as another chapter has opened up to reveal Beautiful Possibilities.

Everyone says, though tired with raccoon eyes still, I am smiling, happier, and they are all glad. Those who love me most see the good changes. I see them too. I have Hope and Joy, I am loved, I like me. I am going to be alright. It just takes time is all, and not letting go of the sometimes nebulous Faith in Life and Loving.

Sending out Love and Light to All of You!

Shine Dark,
Starra

“For there are these three things that endure: Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest of these is Love” 1st Corinthians 13:13

And this witch says “Amen”… which means So Be It.

Sounds a lot like So Mote It Be doesn’t it?!  ;)

My 24 yo daughter had 2 visits to the ER last week. She is okay-ish. Stress is high  for hr and yes for us too. She is hopefully putting in her week’s notice with this “crap” boss & intense job.

Never say working at a fast food place is “easy” to me. Been there & done that & it is a beeotch. If your boss is a idiot, you and the staff are screwed. So she is looking at a lead from a friend. Crossing my fingers for her. That girl works her arse off for her bosses, even the bad ones.

Moving over the weekend. Tired & ill. Ex to be is in a mood. Fun, fun, fun. I deal with stress & life differently. It annoys him to no end I refuse tio freal out with him. I modulate my voice and I am reasonable. Somebody has to be. My daughters are both unwell & tired too. We are all doing whatever we can. To him it is not good enough. Too bad. Not going to go back to the hospital because of all of this.

“Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” …

That is what I so want to say to him. Yet I know it would start a fight and my energy is low as is. Not wasting my precious energy on fights or arguments. Saving it up to take care of me so i can take care of my daughters. And get all I need to done to Be Free.

Soon. That is the soothing word I use as a pseudo-Mantra. And I am Choosing Love, not Fear.  I will be great. Better than great. My Hopes are high, I am in Good Spirits even as I deal with not so much fun issues.

If i am incommunicado folks it is only because of a weird fact that no one had a phone in my wee trailer before. (How did they live?! lol)

I have to have phone lines & DSL put in, so hurry up & wait. By week’s end I will be back online. Sooner I hope.

Send up prayers & good energies please for my family & I. Will be thinking of you all.

Thanks for Listening.

Shining In The Dark,
Starra

About Life, Living, Loving… Passionately and Compassionately.

I really do not know how else to be or live. I am deep waters and stormy afternoons. I want to be these things to One Man and One Man Only. If He wants me too.

Time. I think we take it for granted. Oh you have plenty of time for this or that. You hear that all the time. I think it is a crock. I think we need to stop thinking we have all the time to do or be, love and live. Time flies by.

I just had my firstborn child yesterday, now she is 26. What? Wait, how???
I blinked and 26 years went by. Yet I know more so the past 6 to 16 years were the fastest in my life thus far. My “baby” is almost legal age. Even she is awed by that fact. She does not feel like an adult at all.

I think and I anaylse and seeing as a lot of what I am thinking about things I have thought about before in regards to life Changes, and the past 19 mos or sop for other areas I want to do and live, I am not really making a “quick decision”. Not for me. I am a Planner. I am a Thinker. I am a Scorpio. (Yes it matters)

I may have a “gooey” soft heart, but I have a strong will that shall bend to that Only One Man. Willingly so. Submissive heart I have wants and needs the Dominant Male or Alpha. Our Relationship will be on Our Terms and no outsiders need seek to influence us.

My Life is moving along. Slow, then fast. Odd at best of late. I am trying to take things here a day at a time. I have Ideas I need to act upon, and I shall once we move in. Moving this weekend in fact. Stressed a bit but I am pretty okay over all. No strong arms to hold me when it gets bumpy, but I will get through because I have no other choice. *shrugs* My pillow catches my tears.

Someday I will have a Man to lean into and He can draw strength from me also. Somedays… I said I’d never believe in Somedays again. It hurt too much when dreamed of and promised Somedays were crushed along with my heart. I am Choosing to Believe and to Hope again. I am a bit scared. But to not Hope is to me much worse.

Thanks for Listening.

Shining in the Dark,
Starra

honeyedexcrements:

“In real life, love has to be possible. Even if it is not returned right away, love can only survive when the hope exists that you will be able to win over the person you desire.” - Paulo Coelho

Shepherd’s Dell State Park, Oregon

Hope to go there Some Fine Day

misswallflower:

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come,
Whispering ‘it will be happier’…”

― Alfred Lord Tennyson

I may get sad, I get scared too… I screw things up, make a shite load of mistakes.

I can be obtuse as heck, naive and bull headed. I do not mean to be. I am fallible as all of us are.

Nowadays because of Many Things, I realise that I am a loving, kind and to some a sweet woman. I am smart, funny, serious and passionate about life and people.

If I am deemed unworthy… then I may well cry more tears, but I will get up off the floor where I am broken up … and try try again.

I cannot stop believing in my self. I might as well curl up and die if I ever stop being a woman of faith, hope, love, and belief.

I Believe in Love, I Believe in YOU, Friends, Family, the Folks here and on my Facebook, All of my kids and I Believe in Me.

Blessings Be,
Starra

agoodthinghappened:

~uknown author