i have a dear friend who is a Master. He is as a mentor to me. He may become a full mentor for me. i am not certain yet. my life spins on a dime, the pendulum i liken it to often swings in a direction i never thought it would.

As of this moment i do not know what i think about a few things.

Yet after hours of talks with my friend the Master, what i was pondering so much of this past few weeks has come closer to the service of my realisations that i am not just a submissive … i am a slave.

He stated long ago “You are a natural submissive”.

And He stated that “a slave will apologise for things not her fault if it even seems to upset Her Dom/Master.”

There is of course a heck of a lot more to it. But i recognised the slave in me, and He verified it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gods know i even did that as a wife all those years.

Even now i practically apologise for my own existence as empowered and mostly self-confident a woman i am.

i can hear many feminists groan, but i really do not care.

i am who and what i am with No Apologies for being true to my nature…

Which happens to be a strong willed, strong minded, loving, caring, compassionate Real Woman who is submissive only to Her Dominant.

i am seeking within on my heretofore ‘mixed feelings” on being a slave. i have the utmost of respect for the true M/s Lifestyle.

i am getting wiser all the time to the bull crap of it, whether it be represented falsely online, in quotes, in fiction, pictures, and so on.

i will Only talk to real Masters and slaves, and not believe any BDSM blog or websites opinions or fantasies.

What i have gleaned/learned thus far is this:

A slave is cherished, valued, treated well, not punished unduly, not made to feel less than valued or human.

A slave is not ever “less than”.

A slave does have choices.

A slave is human and has rights to fair treatment.
(Otherwise this is slavery of the illegal kind and akin to the pre-Civil War era slavery, etc)

A slave has needs and desires, thoughts and opinions. And a good real Master values all their slave is

A slave is one who desires to serve their Dominant or Master and does so out of love, not fear.

A slave has the right to say No, and to be protected from harm.

A slave has the right to change things in their relationship or contracts w/ their D/M, and has the right to be heard.

A slave can ask to leave their Masters service. If ignored (request etc)  they can leave.

… that is what i have for now. I will add to it t a later date.

*** submissive can be substituted for slave in all of the above.

A slave and submissive want and need Rules. i know i like them. i know i Need at the very least clear Guidelines. i need to know another persons likes, dislikes, and their Personal Boundaries.

i respect others rights, thoughts, feeligs, beliefs, needs, etc. Because in my life i have had all of these disrespected and been sexually, emotionally, and psychologically abused and/or neglected.

This is another reason too why i know i need a line of healthy communication, and that i cannot be treated as “less than” the woman and sub/slave i am. i know my value. i know my worth. i know i deserve no less than to be another person’s priority; especially if i have made them mine.

No one, nor a submissive, slave or someone not in The Lifestyle deserves to be treated that way.

No one is an option in this world. No One.

If anyone treats you lie you are, get out of that relationship fast. Get rid of that toxic person. At the very least set your Personal Boundaries so high they cannot breach the fortress of them.  You deserve respect, loving affection, compassionate caring, and proper care. So do i.

I am still learning. - Michelangelo

A life quote of mine that, for in all things i too am Still Learning. i make my fair share of mistakes, i tend to jump into love and relationships. Empaths *feel* things ever so deeply. It can be quite intense and overwhelming. And we have to be careful of getting hurt.

i still get folks wanting me to “guard my heart”. i wish sometimes i could. But to withhold affection is not in me to do. To not love fully is not who or what i am. So i will get hurt because i am one that does give and give some more.

Yet i also have my own self-preservation. i will not allow abuse, or to be hurt over things that i did not do.

i used to take the blame for others moods. i often let it slide.. yet i hear my Mom’s words “Do not be the doormat I was. Do not let others treat you that way.”

So i am still standing up for myself, because no one else will or can.
(i have good friends who support me, but they cannot fight my “battles” from so far away.)

i hope someday to know what it is to feel truly Safe and Cherished.To be held in Someones arms and feel them ‘loving” me.

i do not know what my tomorrow brings. i do not know what my today brings. i only know it is up to me to be strong, to keep going, to take care of myself as well as my family. So i will.

So many think a submissive or a slave is “weak of will”.

Yet nothing could be further from the truth. What we are is strong and determined people with a capacity to love, serve, and yes service our Loved One, be it Dom or Master. And we take care of others often to the detriment of ourselves. It takes a  strong person to willingly give of, and up themselves to Another’s will.

The Exchange is though that the true Dom and/or Master is cognisant of their submissive and/or slaves needs and welfare. They seek to do right by and for them. (Not just in Aftercare)
Yet a Dom and/or Master can be wrong or make mistakes … *gasps fill the air*, and most will acknowledge this too. The good ones do.
And then they go about setting things right.

This is as it should be. If it is not.. well IMHO that is an abusive relationship. One i’d be getting out of ASAP.

i know abuse. Been there and done that as a child, as a teen, as a adult female and as a wife. There are many forms that abuse can take. Educate yourselves please do. On that and on the true BDSM Lifestyle. It is not all whips and chains and sex.

Safe, Sane, and Consensual is what it is supposed to be… do not allow it to be anything else. 

Shining Dark,
Starra

**** Please Note:
i have my Dom asked that none of my photos be used online.

After much thought, i do not feel safe and secure about this, and my past abuse issues are a big reason why.
Also i hope to be a professional writer someday, so my thinking is that the nudes Y/you share with a “lover” are not necessarily the ones Y/you want posted online.

Tasteful nudes IMHO are another thing.

A woman is a rare gift. Her heart opened is rarer still. We have been told to not trust or hope or even dream. We are told we are “too” this or that. Be it fat or thin, shy or bold, intense or emotional. We hear the echoes of all these words in our heads. When others say anything that brings the echoes to the forefront it hurts. If we are mature we realise it is not that persons’ fault and we say so to them.

We also are mature and honest enough to say why we are sad, mad, hurt. And it is okay to cry if you speak. Just do speak up for yourself, because when you speak for yourself you are also speaking for me and countless others. Just as when I speak up I am trying to do for you. No blame is the one who inadvertently hurt our feelings. Not at all. But we must start speaking up and out that words hurt, some jokes will never be funny. It is what it is.

And most of us, well we are as real as we show ourselves to be. Open hearts, open minds, open arms too. Loving, emotional, moody, tired, strong, sad, mad, happy, frustrated. We are alright as we are. Do not start trying to change us. Not unless you want us trying to change you too. And most times the mature woman  just wants a friend and lover who gets her or tries to. She wants to like or love you just the way you are.

The media, books, movies, and world is IMHO (In My Honest or Humble Opinion)  set against honest, open, healthy relationships. So it is up to us to be informed, educated, aware, and to grow in ourselves and as couples. Put down the Cosmopolitan magazine telling you what a man wants. It is so much BS. Talk to him, touch him. He will tell you if he likes what you are doing. Guys, do not look in Playboy for how to please your woman. Ask her how she likes to be touched, and that goes for what things she likes outside the bedroom as well. Reality is a relationship that is truly healthy is not all sex all the time.

Good communication is a key element in a healthy relationship. So is trust. Trust is another key element we all need for our relationships to last and grow also. If it is not there love dies a harsh death. Trust feeds love you see. I often hear the thing of “He/She won’t talk with me or to me.” If they will not they are as responsible for harming the relationship as they are for harming you. Silence kills the heart of most women. Personally I see prolonged silence as a rejection, and that I am deemed not worthy of his trust and time, effort or desire.I understand everyone needs “spaces between” for I do as a woman and writer.

In all things including solitude and silence for thinking there is a Time and Season for all things. To talk and to not talk. Balance is everything. I always have said this and I seek a healthy balance in my life. The balancing of how much space to give another is not easy though. Especially under the weight of an uneasy silence.

A woman, and I dare say all genders, want and need to feel and Know they are worthwhile. Cared for, loved, wanted, needed, worthy of others trust and time. Humans need affection. We have speech for a reason.Now for us to use it to be healing instead of harmful. Words can and do hurt. So that is where I started this “Rambling”.

I will always believe Good Communication is what we all need more of. So talk to each other. Talk to me, please do. I am listening.

Shine Dark,
Starra

*Fair Warning to My Friends & Followers:
I get Inspiration for my writing from things you say, conversations “overheard”, conversations we have, and from my own fertile and ever busy mind. I never use anyone’s names unless I ask permission, because I believe in a persons privacy.