I am thinking quite “hard” on what I love. What gives me that joie de vivre I so aim for.

In seeking these things I am realising though I need money to live on, I do not care about money as far as riches, things, and/or status goes. I truly wish to live frugally, and simply. So my job or career(s) must meet my needs, such as they are. But I do not feel a need to be “rich” by the worlds standards. If I do increase in the way of money, I hope to share it with my Beloved Poet-Philosopher, my “kids”, and to give back to others, and the community. Locally as well as globally.

Know Thy Self ~ The Delphi Oracle

“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.”
~ Hardy D. Jackson

I know for a fact I am both a romantic, and a sensualist. I am highly tactile. I am sensitive, as well as being a Sensitive. I feel things others do not, as a Sensitive and a Empath. I am a Seer as well. Not always as much fun as the fictional stories you read try to imply. No, I do not know what the winning lotto numbers are. Not my thing. I can do Dream Interpretations. I had a crone state I need to “go deeper, not be afraid of my abilities.” So I am seeking to hone my craft, and my gifts as it were.
I fully intend to do Online work with my Spiritual & Metaphysical abilities.

I have an aesthetic eye. I have been complimented by “real” Artists regarding my eye for Art, as well as how I put things together so well on various websites and online pages I have had in the past. Perhaps that can transcend into a career?! Anything is possible.

I enjoy flowers, gardens, nature, animals (wild & domesticated), photography, poetry, storytelling, and my hobby is crocheting. I prefer to crochet simple Granny Square Afghans. They help me to meditate, and are a creative outlet. Also those whom I make an afghan for is a person I truly care about, and love.

I hope to offer my Creative Writing services. I have actually written a wedding speech for the father of the groom. It was well received. I wrote long ago a poem that a young couple used in their wedding. I was I think 13 or so. Not too shabby.

Why not write prose and poems for others? Why not earn a bit doing what I am good at, and love. I do not need to starve for my “art”. ;)

I intend to submit some work soon. I might even take some classes to help me brush up on my skills. I never want to get stale or rusty. Not I think a problem with me as I am always learning, and eager to Know more.

I am trying a bit of Sales. Not true sales and hard to explain. But it should bring in the “ready” to take care of my family.

What Dreams May Come…

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”  ~ Henry David Thoreau

I have a lot to do. I need to save to move/relocate. I need to save for a few Special t Events and to take care of necessary things for my 2 daughters (at home ones). I may share more later on that.

For now I am one happy lady. I am in love, in fact I am Rising In Love along with my Beloved Poet-Philosopher. He who truly sees me, and adores me, as I do Him. We are dreaming Our dreams, and working towards them Together.

Yes, I am happy… in myself, my Beloved, my family. I am Blessed indeed.

I am Setting Goals, (personal ones as well) Working towards “Things”, and crossing my fingers about a few things too. Christmas here will be ever so small, and simple.  Even so we are all still quite happy here. Love is what makes the difference. Love in our family. The Togetherness that is so us. The choosing to face things with an Attitude of Gratitude, and find Joy in the simplest things or silliest places. We laugh often.

I am also quite tired, and hoping to feel better. I know I need to eat sensibly. Working on that. The dastardly Flu has my whole household ill. So we are doing soup, tea, TLC, and coffee.

*yawns ensue*

I hope to sleep soon. I admit between flu, and cold weather I ache. I still cannot find my box of winter clothes. It has my fingerless gloves, and they keep my hands warm, thus the arthritis is not so bad. Age is not for sissies. But I am still Not old.
It is the age in my heart that matters, not the age in my years.

My Beloved understands these things. Hopefully next winter we will be Together holding hands, and He will be gently warming my hands in His. Such are my sweetest and simplest of Dreams. I did promise to not freeze Him with my bare feet. Warm fuzzy socks for me, and snuggling all around.

That sounds so good right now. But I go to bed with my daughters kitten, and my Stitch for company. Of Him I dream though. Always. The Keeper of my Heart.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

“Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.”
  ~ David Frost

Just Believe in the Beauty that is YOU! (me)

Shine Dark,
Starra

THANKS

Well in the US of A it is the day before Thanksgiving, also known as Eat-way-too-much-and-pay-for-it-later Day. My ex calls it “Turkey Day” jokingly. Some eat and watch football together gathered around that blue one eyed god. Whilst others, like my family and I, sit at the table Counting our Blessings, stating what we are Thankful for.

I can state I am thankful for my Loved Ones, Good Friends, the food on the table, and a roof over my head (even if the mice are sharing it). The Caring Gentlemen that makes my mind stretch, heart beat faster, my spirit soar higher, and gives me hope by being His own Kind and Good self, I count Him Twice amongst my blessings. (Though a great many miles away He will sit down to dinner with his loved ones, He is ever on my mind.)

HOPES & PLANS

That I will be down for the holiday season but not “out” is a fact.
Never ever count this woman out. Make no bets. As I will prove you wrong about me if only out of stubborness (remember I prefer tenaciousness), and my ornery Scorpio double Irish-Scots nature.

I am still without income of the monetary form.

I have reached out again to my online community. No amount is too small to help.  DONATE HERE

My daughters, daughter’s BF, and my other daughter’s GF is all trying to help out. We are looking for work but as most of you know it is hard as heck out there.
Baby it’s cold outside comes to my eccentric mind.

I have set up my Queue(s) so y’all will get posts. This is in case I do lose my ISP/Phone Service. I think Rent and Electric are vastly More important to my family.

I need the ISP/Phone for job applications (which nowadays are all online), getting job opportunities (all online) and to contact employers. I need the phone to do a job that would pay well enough. BUT I am robbing poor ol’ Peter to pay Paul yet again. So Phone goes as Electricity is quite important in the scheme of things.

Looking at more ways to be frugal. Cutting a few more corners.
No pride in me, I ask for help where I can, and need to.
Did online research for this.

I hope to get Job Training. And to qualify for more help along those lines. I really want to be gainfully employed as do my “kids”.

I really love my PC as my friends & a world of Info live inside it. *sighs*

Someday I will Pay It Forward. I already do by having a heart that gives to others.Sincere and Kind words are a blessing. I have that in me to give to my dying day.

I also, no matter what, plan on spending copious amounts of time WRITING.
I have Ideas, I have people who are important top me believing in me as well as looking to me to utilise my Gifts as a Writer to do Something Good with it.

It is no good shutting your gifts up in a box. Let them out, stop fearing failure and/or even success. Yes, I am talking to myself here. And others out there.

To write at all is to have courage. Same goes for anything.

Do what you love, are good at, and tell the world to take a flying leap if they do not like it or “approve”. It matters what YOU think.
I believe I am a good writer, have a lot worthwhile to say/hear, and my messages inspire and touch others. So best I not waste time or myself.

Thank You to all of YOU who have believed ion me, told me my blogs or prose/poetry has touched you. Or you liked it. To those reblogging, thank you too. It all matters.
You All Matter.

I finally have Believed in myself. That was the missing Key.
I am turning my own locks, unlocking my potential and going to get busy with it.

So here I go. ;)

Shine Dark,
Starra

A Dear One in my life has become the Shining Light, the Beacon full of a Beautiful Vision of Hope as we get to know one another, and we spark one another in our lives.

With this Friend and Beloved Soul I do not feel as if I am not having to do This alone. This being my own cheerleader and “light”. He sees good in me, and shines a light on it so I too see it. Friends do that. And He is the Best Friend I have.

It gets hard sometimes Shining when I feel lost amidst worries and the nasty lil’ fears. They are the nasties that gnaw at the corners of ones mind, and upon your ankles as you are walking through the “Valley”.

I am trying to gather my strength. Sleeping off a bad health day today I had many interesting dreams, and waking thoughts. In sleep Spirit speaks top me. The psyche needs these times, I recharged my waning batteries, and I talked it out in my head, heart, and with my Dear Friend.

My financial woes are just as they were when I went to bed. I still need money to pay the utilities and to buy medicines. Necessities. No frills. And at this point it will be a “Hard Candy Christmas”. (Look it up; it is an apt song).

I’ll be fine and dandy
Lord it’s like a hard candy christmas
I’m barely getting through tomorrow
But still I won’t let
Sorrow get me way down

We will have food. Thank You Deity & Universe!

We will not have gifts. That is fine. Life, love, health, and each other are all the gifts truly needed.

We will put up our tee-tiny table top tree after Thanksgiving. Decorate simply, as is our way. We will love each other, support one another, and we will be frugal, live simply, and Count Our Blessings on Thanksgiving and each day afterwards.

In Him, my Dear Friend I will Count my Blessings twice, for the faith He has in me as a writer, and as a woman of worth. As well as His beautiful mind and soul, heart, and the face that makes me smile just to look upon. He is a Dear Person indeed.

I needed to see these things through His, and my other loved ones eyes.
I had lost sight of a lot. I had let fear mock me. I had thought I was “poor”.

Tonight, I will keep my mustard seed faith and move mountains, I will draw down the moon, and gain strength in the Lady. I will sing with a joyful nise songs of praise and love. I will Not be doubt the Abundance of the Universe.

I will Pray, because Prayer Changes Things.

I will also do all the things that help me stay strong.
And I will write. I will write because that is my gift.

~~~~~~~~~

I am Blessed. I am a Daughter of the Goddess and a Chylde of God. I am Enough. I Lack Nothing. I am Well and Truly Loved. The Universe is Flowing and Raining Abundance and Prosperity Upon Me and Mine, and You too! We lack nothing.

Shining On,
Starra

Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. - Zen Proverb

Chop Wood

You have to chop wood to get the fires started. They do not magickally happen. Even as a witch I know it is not like that. There are still laws of physics to be reckoned with. And in life and love we must chop wood or prepare ourselves so that our lives, hearts, minds, souls, and bodies can catch fire. There are so many times we are not in balance and we just do not catch flame. Or if we do catch fire, the fires go out, it sputters and sparks but never catches hold properly, because the wood was not stacked properly or it was out of balance somehow.

So many things can go wrong if we are not set up right or correctly.

Wrong thinking, wrong feelings. These get in the way of our Lives catching fire and burning brightly, in positive ways.

Carry Water

If we are to live we need water. We use water to cook, drink, and bathe in. We need it o grow our food, wash our clothes, to keep our homes clean and sanitary. Most of us have not had to carry water to do these things. Most of us live with electricity and have taps that “magically” bring forth water. And we might complain but most of us have access to pure water to drink and do these other things listed.

Many do have to carry water. Many do not have clean safe drinking water. Many bathe in polluted waters that cause sickness. Those are realities and facts. It is a hard life, yet ever so many live with joy and gratitude in spite of these hardships.

Water is life. We humans can only live about 3 to 5 days without water.

Water is indeed life; it is the birth waters of the salty seas and oceans,  it is embryonic fluid of the mother, it is the tears we cry.
Water is in our rain, rivers, lakes, springs and ponds. We have wells, and we have running water from cities.

Water is our bodies. We are made up of 60% water in our bodies, and our brains are 70% water. We need this to live and it is a natural source we are losing.

If we do not stay hydrated we die.

*** So it is with Love.. without it we perish.

Reach Out

If we do not have the intimacy of hugs and touching our health suffers. It has been proven that babies in the NICU (newborn intensive care unit) thrive upon human contact, touch, talking to them, and holding them. They even put twins in together to help one another to thrive and grow, to heal through touch.

Therefore physical contact in positive manners Matters.

Humans need touch. There is power in that. It is necessary like water to us, as is hugs. It improves our health, and happiness.

It is a way to show affection of course, of reaching out to one another. Yet so many do not reach out to give or receive either. Even the simple act of holding a persons hand increases health, positivity, and is an intimate as well as beautiful gesture.

Enlightenment:

• 1 [mass noun] the action of enlightening or the state of being enlightened: Robbie looked to me for enlightenment
• the action or state of attaining or having attained spiritual knowledge or insight, in particular (in Buddhism) that awareness which frees a person from the cycle of rebirth: the key to enlightenment is the way of the Buddha

For me it is a path and part of my life. To keep on learning, moving forward even if I have been knocked down or backwards. To never stop becoming me, the woman, the person, and spiritual being I am meant to become in this lifetime.

I think I have gained some enlightenment. I am nowhere near a “buddha”. I do not see myself as a any great teacher either. I learn and I mess up. I start again. I get mad as heck, cuss, throw my temper around a bit. I chastise myself, I start over After apologising to all, and sundry for my piss poor attitudes, and behaviours.

I am fallible, weak, and a beautiful mess. I am strong, smart, and seek to be kind.

And I am learning to have a grateful heart, and lighter spirit as I go through Life. I am enough as I am now when it comes to both Life and Love.

That does not mean I will stop where I am in this place of my growing, and enlightenment. It only means I have found my Inner Peace, and a balance that allows Blessings in the form of people, situations, things, and love to come to me.
The Right Kind of these actually.

I am still and always will be a work in progress, and I will always seek to Become a better person. Not measured by any one else’s ways of thinking, only by Spirits and Deity, and Universe.

Though for the Man in my life and love, I hope to always be as pleasing as possible to Him, with Him, for Him. For He matters to me “muchly”, as He is my Anam Cara.

I will Chop Wood, Carry Water, and Hold His Hand in the Journey towards Enlightenment. I do not know where the Path and Journey takes me, or us, but I know I want to walk with Him if this is Deity’s will.

Shine Dark,
Starra

I feel like I have had this pesky rooster crowing every few minutes throughout the night waking me up or keeping me from a much needed sleep. He is crowing not at the Dawning sun, but the false light of a street lamp called “Worry”.

And I am a wise enough woman (as well as a bit of a smart ass) to know that it is not good for me, it is self-defeating, and I ought to throw some rocks at its proverbial ugly head.
(No I will not throw rocks at a real roosters head. lol)

I woke up thinking. (When don’t I?) And these thoughts were:

I am just seeing the problems, the bills, the NEGs. I am  seeing the Problems, the Mountain I need to climb to get out of this Valley of Despair. I am so worried about the bridge I must cross I am not seeing where I am at this moment in time. Therefore I am missing the needed Vision to get through and to Be in the Present Moment, where I need to and ought to be.

THAT will not do. So, Stop it I say to me-self. Get the heck out of my head worries, I declare forcefully.

It is Time to welcome in Providence, to RE-Affirm my Faith in the Universe, Goddess & God. Let Spirit overflow. And bloody well Count my Many Blessings and See all the reasons I have to smile.

Family, Friends, and more… I am Blessed all round!

This is just a bump in the road to a Wonderful Life.

It is time I stop letting things like money & bills drive me batty.
Make me lose sleep. To embrace all the Love that is in and around me. I shall with each new breath.

I am not “broke”. Not broken either. 

(I certainly do not need fixing)

I am Overflowing With Abundance and Prosperity!

The Universe, Goddess & God are providing for me just as they always have, and always will.

I need to get out of their way with the burdens I have been carrying that were so big I could not see clearly Life and the Path being laid out in front of me. And these are not my burdens to carry. No, not mine to carry at all.

So I start this day with a beatific smile over (many) Splendored Things, and with my Faith Renewed. If I am going to call myself a Woman of Faith I ought to be Believing hadn’t I? (I am no hyopocrite)

What I am is fallible, and weak at times.

So forgive me my fears, and let me begin again.

I Will Prevail.

“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. … For there are these three things that endure: Faith, Hope and Love, but the Greatest of these is Love” ~ I Corinthians 13: 13

Shine Dark,
Starra

Do you ever feel like we ought to be living like Muir and his mountains, or Thoreau and his woods?

That to Simplify is the way to live in all things?

That life is so much more than waking up, going to work, meeting after meeting, be a rat in a cage, impressing the boss, co-workers, the drama they incur, putting up with office politics, racing through traffic to get back home just to nuke another meal? Watch television, lose brain cells, go to bed, wake up early just to do it all over again. For what?

I know not all lives are like the one above, but far too many are. What if we stopped, reflected on what we really want out of this one precious life? What if we stopped being a rat in a cage? What if indeed.

I would go if I could to that dreamed of life, the one so full, the one so serene, so simple, but not easy.. nothing worth having is easy I suppose.. but oh to live the dream of a place in the country.

I’d enjoy the cultural attractions in town and city, but I’d go home to that country dwelling place. Ease my weary bones into a tub of hot water and drink a glass of homemade wine perhaps. Perhaps I’d snuggle in bed with a good book, my lover beside me with his, a cat, a dog maybe, enjoying the night sounds.

Rain on the roof, wind in the trees, owls hooting nearby, crickets serenading us upon a summer’s night.
The rooster’s crow, and chirping of birds in the morning bringing a smile to my face. No need for an alarm clocks shrill sounds. No raucous noise jarring me awake.

The noises I do not mind in the country are distant train whistles, the sound of wildlife, or farm animals. They are part of that places background noises.
The city noises jangle my nerves. I know quite a few folks who thrive on these things, the country makes them nervous.

Cities have an energy uniquely their own. Towns too. All places do really. One house in a neighbourhood can look the same but the feel of it is different. To a sensitive or empathic person one place can bring peace, whilst the house next door (or apartment) is like nails across a chalkboard to us. WE are on edge and not much can ease that. Even a “House Cleansing” does not always do it.

As a girl I used to read and re-read a book called “We Took to the Woods”. Not a classic. Just a book about a family that moved to an old logging area, made a home for themselves and their sons in the Depression era of the United States. The adventures and misadventures of a life lived off the grid before such a term was used. If I recall correctly she was the writer of the family. Black and white photographs were included. A lot of flannel was worn by all. I did not think it a life I’d enjoy. I like my creature comforts. I like heating, cooling, hot showers, and to have a phone inside my house as well as running water, and a bathroom inside as well.

I have roughed it on camping trips. Tent, sleeping bag, in hot and humid Central Florida. It is not my cup of tea. I like a real bath, shower, and a toilet inside. I do not like spiders, snakes, wasps and hornets as I use the “powder room”. Faced everything but the snake on a camping trip. Though a camper before me did!

I’ll haul logs in for the fireplace. I do not want to fell them though. I’ll even boil water for a quick wash up if the pipes freeze. But no thanks to hauling water.

I am not romanticising life in the country. It gets hard, it can be lonely, and mud season is a beast. There are emergencies, hard times, good times, days you’ll want to say “F*ck It”.  I know I’ll say that often. Like when I am weeding in the garden with my bad back getting bit by the blood thirsty mosquitoes. It is not going to be great fun, but the labours of love will be worth it. I do have plans for a energy efficient hot tub. As well as bartering for help. My Mum never raised a foll in her daughter.

Speaking of romanticising life in the country. Few realise Thoreau lived walking distance to his family home whilst living on Walden Pond. His mother made him lunch, and washed his clothing for him. This amused me a great deal to discover. He certainly did not speak of it in his famous writing.

No man is an island indeed. And it really does take a village to raise a child. Even if that child is a grown man.

We all need helping hands. Family is not always close by in this day and age. So we make family out of friends. We reach out, we do for them, they do for us. At least that is how things ought to be, whether we are living in the country or in the city, the suburbs, a apartment building, or like me in a old trailer park.

Our neighbours are anyone we know or meet along life’s path ways. And I do believe we ought to be living more like the Good Samaritan. So many are afraid to help others for fear of law suits, trouble, getting hurt. Well we have to start somewhere, and there is no living without a little rain and pain. The sun comes out eventually, and hurts ease or fade.

So I’ll start living like I would in my dreamed of Country Home. Being a bit more neighbourly, less afraid. And I’ll even smile at the people who annoy the heck out of me around here. I’ll still be saying “F*ck It” some times. I am no one’s angel or saint after all.

Thanks For Listening!

Shine Dark,
Starra

I want a Man that wants me for me. All of me.

I want a Man that stands the test of time.

I want a Man that can communicate His needs, wants, desires, feelings, thoughts, and will do so with me, with no fear of me thinking less of Him for being human.

I want a Man that is kind, caring, and compassionate.

I want a man who can understand that I can, and will be the moon and stars to light any and all of His dark nights.

I want a Man that will lead, but is willing to have me by His side; helping Him with anything we may face.

I want a Man who challenges me to be better than I am, to go the distance.

I want a Man that appreciates my talents, gifts, abilities, and encourages me in them.

I want a Man that is able to be my Friend too.

I want a Man that is passionate about life and love, who shows by word and deed I am His woman, whom He is proud of.

I want a Man that will not let me get away with any of my bs, will understand what is in my heart and head; my why-fores (or at least Seek To understand). Who can jolt me out of apathy, and chide me out of a bad mood.

I want a Man that appreciates Nature, Books, Philosophy, and Spirituality.

I want a Man unafraid of hard work, and who is wise with finances.

I want a Man that understands that flaws have beauty too, and is not a perfectionist but wants to better Himself, who wants and helps me to do the same.

I want a Man that is Self-Aware.

I want a Man that has a good sense of humour, and can laugh at himself also.

I want a Man that likes to cuddle, hold hands, share a cuppa, and can enjoy companionable silences.

I want a Man that is a Gentlemen, and a Rogue behind closed doors.

I want a Man that knows what He wants and needs also. One whom will not settle anymore than I will for “less than” what we both deserve to have to be happy Together.

I want a Man that has Vision for the Future, has Dreams, and wants me to be a part of them all. Just as I will Him in mine.

These are listed as Wants. I also know myself well, and I know a lot of these are real needs too. I also do not expect perfection in anyone or anything. I believe that to do your personal best is enough.
I have had a long time to think on these things, and I know that I need a man that Guides me and wants me beside Him come what may. Many Alpha and Dominate males out there will not realise I have a submissive way in and about me, whilst I am a strong willed and minded capable woman. I have no choice but to be so.

A woman alone must be able to take care of herself and her loved ones. I’d hope any Man worth His “salt” would want a woman that can stand on her own, but choose to follow her Mate to hell and back willingly.

I am strong yet fragile. I am what, and who I am with no apologies.

Shine Dark,
Starra

“I ask a lot from others, because it is what I would be willing to give.” ~Unknown

Is shallowness. I crave depths and heights, substance and sincerity.
So what I crave know too that is what I am.

I can flirt, I like to. Was “born flirting” according to my Mum.
But I also do not flirt with just “anyone”. If I take the time to talk with you at all it is because I see Something there in you. Something Good. I do not “hang with” negative so and so’s.

Had too many joy suckers in my life. I get rid of them right quick. I surround myself with intelligent, caring, decent folks. We may not always agree, but life would be bloody well dull and boring if we are alike. I like my friends & followers Differences./

If I reach out and offer my ear it is not to be flirty. That is friendship and compassion I offer. I do not do this often. As a private person I respect others privacy. I guard privacy in my loved ones. I understand that others do not understand this in or about me. So I let it go. Shrug it off.

People are quite guarded and too many think one cannot be “real friends” online. As I have many real friends (whom I may never meet face to face) with  whom I have know online for years now. Some I meet (online) and they become family. Sisters and Brothers, sage Aunts to me. These folks helped me in m,any times of depression, grief, and times of fear.

I will not change myself to suit others, and I am not asking them to change to suit me. I am learning the Art of Compromise, but that does not mean one compromises their principles or beliefs. More it is let’s meet in the middle and be peace.

I have decided though in a Love Relationship I have certain things I know I need. I know also I will not ask from others what I would not willingly give. I am in a place of Learning Me and Waiting. Not as easy to do as it is to write about.

Had a birthday yesterday. I do not feel older. I hope though i have grown a bit wiser, and kinder. To others, and to me. I deserve my love and acceptance too after all.

Thanks for Listening.

And here’s to Friendship, Love, Understanding and Depths and Heights in One Another! Cheers & Slainte’!

Shine Dark,
Starra

Words have power. We all ought to understand this. But they only have as much power as we allow them to have, upon us, and in our lives.

As a writer I know the power of words.

They can be a weapon of mass destruction used by many to destroy rather than build up. I prefer to build up, to increase good and beauty. And top use them to reveal to others great truths, and my honest thoughts, revelations, discoveries. I am still learning to be a good writer.

I love Etymology. The meaning of words. I have since my early teens read to discover the etymology and origins of names, place names, persons names. Then to learn words origins. I excelled in high school in this area.
The teacher let this “trouble maker” lead her classes because I excelled in this area. That was a bee in my proverbial bonnet, or jewel in my invisible crown. And a needed boost to my low self-esteem. It also showed me I liked teaching. Last time I had taught anyone was a few years prior, that experience was with a young girl I had met. I taught her to read. It was exhilarating.

I am digressing I suppose, but part of writing is illuminating things from your perspective for another to see or enjoy. So is teaching or helping a person to learn. For me anyways.

I taught my 3 daughters at home. Home Schooling them. I did a fair job. I do not think I gave them the very best education. But I did what I could with what I had, as well as the energy I had in the latter years of their Home School education.

I live writing and sharing my thoughts. The things that delight me, and make me think. I like persons who dig deeper, that are at a higher level than I am,; thus making me go deeper or higher to get to where they are coming from.

I enjoy sweet words too. I am feminine enough to enjoy endearments, sweet talk, and to smile over honest compliments. I have a dash of vanity, and healthy needs. I am also cautious because words can be used falsely. I have had that happen too often. Yet here I am still loving words. Still enjoying men, and their charms. Not giving up on life and love, better times ahead.

I have a life long love of words, written, and spoken. I was called “Chatter Chin” as a girl for good reason. I could talk a persons ear off back then. I natter on at times now if I am nervous.
I admit I do not talk as much as I used to even a few months ago. I employ the word Silent so I can Listen better. They have the same letters for good reason.

I still lack brevity in writing, and my emails. Some things may never change. Yet some things do change. I want to hear others. I need to understand others. I was so lonely and closed off even 6 months ago I talked too much, and feel I was much too self-centered. Self involved.
I care more about others these days. I care so I want to hear about them, their feelings, thoughts, what makes them feel and what matters to them. So I am spiraling outward, whilst realising so many things about myself as I listen to, and enjoy others.

Artistic souls are often self-absorbed, or we seem to be. Often we feel and think so much the only way we can get it out safely is through our artistic mediums. Oh, and for the record, I believe that the truly dedicated, good Teachers are Artists also.

As are so many folks we might not think of as artists. Like Parents, Home Makers, Trades persons such as cooks, carpenters, stone masons, and so forth and so on. As well as so many other folks that I have not mentioned. There is a Art to these things, and one must draw on a creativity so as to not burn out, and lose interest.

I am sure I will have more thoughts along these lines in the future. But for now my body states “Feed Me”. So I will honour it by listening, and get fueled up.

Thanks for Listening to my Ramblings.

Shine Dark,
Starra

I have my life here in Florida for awhile. (or the Hell Hole as I call it not too fondly) 

My goals are to save up enough to get out of here. Find a home and then settle down there. Unless that nebulous thing called True Love finds me, and/or Life leads me elsewhere I am headed to the Pacific NorthWest.

I just know my dream is to sink roots, be a part of a small caring community. To write, get published, take photos, expand my art, take some painting classes, to find some serenity and joy. To spread some around too, joy I mean.

I am learning how to be alone. Learning too to love me, honour myself as well as my needs, and to not feel selfish in doing so. To turn down others that cannot fulfill me, because that in the end will not fulfill them if I cannot gift and give them All I Am.

All I Am is pretty damned awesome even in its imperfect ways. I may be a mature woman with a lived in body, but goddess and god knows my heart is so full of love that it seems like there is a endless supply bubbling from a deep spring somewhere.

A lot of passion, love, compassion, and a willingness to adapt and still be able to be true to who I am. You do not find that everyday. So if that sounds egotistical, so be it. At least I know I am worthy to be loved fully. To be appreciated.

I am not as mellow as a aged to perfection wine, but I am still quite delicious. *winks*

~~~~~~~~~

No Yellow Brick Roads for me. I am looking for cobblestones and lots of trees. Woods and dirt roads. Water and rains. Fog and mist filled paths.
All four seasons, and a huge amount of natures beauty and bounty.

So I am going in the right direction finally. Took me long enough to realise what I need and want. The depths of these things, their value to me.

To be loved for me is still there. But I am not settling for less than what I deserve.
If He can see past the limitations I have to the fullness of my spirit, heart, and nimble mind… He just might get all he wanted after all.

I am ever a Hopeful Romantic. lol

~~~~~~~~~

I just want to get that Home Sweet Home. Make it cosy, comfortable, and mine. To welcome in friends, and entertain angels unaware. Plant herbs, and trees, and to enjoy the fires in the winter, celebrate the Wheel of the Year, and to enjoy my daughters visits too on holidays and so forth. Not a fancy dream, but it is mine.

I do not need Paris in the Springtime, I want Autumn in my Woods.

And maybe some of you will come share a cup of brew in this writing witches kitchen Once Upon a Time.

Shine Dark,
Starra

… Imagine a Woman in Love with Herself…

“Imagine a Woman”
by Patricia Lynn Reilly, M. Div.

The poem by Patricia, and that line above are all singing in my spirit, flowing in my veins.

The Love is resonating throughout me.
Loving me, pleasing myself.
Not having a man in my life to “please”.
Only me, only myself do I need to please nowadays.

No offense to my beloved brothers, but we women are raised from birth to be pleasing always to the patriarchal ruled world.
I am tired of not being what someone else thinks I ought to be.
Took me a long time to get out of the muck of those thoughts.

I am Enough as I am. If you do not agree, well don’t let the door hit you.
I like me. I am learning to Truly Love Me. I can touch my body, and enjoy the plushy fat of it. Soft, curved, valleys, mountains (screw hills, I am a mountain), and dimpled.
I intend to lose weight to be healthier, fitter, and stronger. But if I am not all “tight”, and if my scars, my stretch marks, my softness offends you well I say:
 ”Get over it, and tough! I am Woman. I am Beautiful. I am Goddess!”

As P!nk says “I am f*cking Perfect!”
So are all of You, gender is not my gig.
I love being a Woman. I am heterosexual.
But I love all people. So Vive le difference!
And Celebrate Your Self!

Shine Dark,
Starra

(c) Starra Neely Blade
2, November 2012

Yayness it is Friday. I am glad the week is mostly over. It has been an eye opener that I need Good Friends a lot more than I need a guy in my life. At least not the wrong guy(s).

Learned I can be Empathic as well as Analytical. I am strong in both areas. Just needs must keep the balance in check. My whole self, life, and family too needs more Balance. Working on that as we “speak”.

Lying is done with words and also with silence. ~ Adrienne Rich

I am not with anyone now. My choice.

I detest liars, cheats, users, and so on. I am getting a bit tougher these days, even as I remain true to myself. I got over this because it was all lies. I do not know if that says I am getting hardened or what. I am just trying to get through life.  More of my usual introspection can wait til midnight hours.

“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”
  ~ Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

I value Friendship. I love my Friends. I think they know this about me. I hope they do.
I am a Introvert so I do not always reach out. I pull in, I “lick my wounds”, I over think, sometimes I set boundaries, put up walls, and I tend to set myself up for more anxiety.

I had to Reach Out this week, and in doing so I was met with a lot of love and help too. I will be eternally grateful for the help, and the valueable lessons I learned about Friends and Friendship. As well as finding I am stronger than I realised. Even though my body is not where I need to be health-wise, my will is quite strong. Some say I am stubborn. Ha. That is the nicer word some use to describe me.

Well yes I am stubborn, thanks. Stubborn enough to not let certain persons bully me, continue to lie to me, to confront them, and to diplomatically deal with certain persons, and issues. (My ex would laugh at the diplomatic part methinks)

We all change, well we all Can change.
Hopefully we grow up whilst holding onto a childlike spirit. I have thus far.

I want to be an old lady racing my scooter.
A real scooter, not just those in the stores. (Can you say Vespa?)
Though the scooters in the stores are fun too.
I use them on really bad back pain days.

So my stubbornness ( I like tenacity better), my empathy, and my analytical self all came together this week. Now to get my body feeling better. Stress makes the Fibro Flare. Add that to my monthly female gig, I am cranky and tired. And I want chocolate and wine too. (Not whine!)

This is truly a ramble as I am tired. I need and want a nap. But I have online business to take care of. This is when I want to have a secretary instead of being the Family “Secretary” & Organiser. Uh-oh, that sounds like a whine.

Would you like cheese and crackers with that?

~~~~~~~~~

Wrapping this up with a lot of Thanks to my friends, and for the love shown my family and myself as we went through this difficult week.

Prayers going out to those in need & ALL those affected by Sandy here in the States & in the Islands too.

Have a Splendiferous Weekend!

Shine Dark,
Starra

I read a quote on Trust that stated it well for me.

“It is hard to trust when the ones you trusted the most were the ones that betrayed you.” - unknown

Fear is both a monster, and mockster. Trust is hard to come by in damaged hurting (abused) people like myself. We give it, then we are wary. So many times we expect to get hurt, because that is what has happened in our past.

There are levels and layers of trust too. Some trust I can give, then others need to come in due time. I am a work in progress in this area truly I am.

Sometimes fears, insecurities, and doubts pop up. Some are ones I never realised  were there. They surprise, shock, and hurt me too; thus bringing me to tears because sharing them openly rips open my heart, and bleeding hearts hurt.

It reveals to my loved ones how vulnerable, and seemingly paranoid I can be. Some is me, some is my mental health issues. I will not “blame” my issues for everything. But it is in there.

Once these things are out in the open I get scared my honesty will do more harm than good, because those demons from my past told me that a honest woman was “a bitch or worse” for speaking Any of her truths.

A lot of voices in my head tonight. Ones from my often ugly childhood, and past relationships. My fathers is a ugly one, and my ex is in there too. (Even though we are amicable now)

Not even The Witching Hour for me, and I am up. Not thinking sleep and I will shake hands, let alone cuddle. I state I choose Love. Well I did and I do, even as my fears and insecurities gnaw at me.

A Woman Alone (or mostly alone) for the first time ever can be lonely, scared, terrified even. Yet she can be strong in her broken places too. Sometimes when this woman reaches out, she needs to know she is still going to be loved even after she shares her fears with her trusted few, her loved ones. That precious Inner Circle.

Honesty no matter how well meant can hurt. But to hold it in is, and/or can be IMHO dishonest. So there was/is my conundrum.

Do I hide my fears, lie to others, or do I open up, and share this and Hope that it, the fear, and I are understood?

Do I hope, and pray for the best? (Always)

So I opened up tonight, hurt a beautiful soul, cried, and cry still. I had to be honest or this “issue” I am having would cause more issues between us. I detest my insecurities, but I have reasons for them. And if I share them, it is because I Do love and trust you.

In the past I buried my fears, insecurities, doubts, and anything that I was told was “negative” deep down. These ate holes in my heart and in my relationships with others. I never had one man in my life not lie to me about things that were truly important. Lies are hard to forgive. Yet I forgave much. Then I was hurt again by these same persons.

So it is not a stretch to understand that I need time to have my trust grow stronger.

So after hurting a loved one I treasure, I laid down. I tried to sleep, but honestly I cannot sleep. Loss of sleep is of no matter to me, loss of their Love is a huge matter to me.

All I can do now is Hope, Pray, shed the tears, and keep living because my life is not “just” my own. I owe it to my 2 at home daughters, and the trusted few, as well as others who state I matter to them.

There is no giving up allowed me.

So as I hurt, fear, LOVE, and consciously choose to keep trying to be a better me, I breathe in and out mindfully. I hope that I have no messed up things. I Hope most of all that I will be understood, and forgiven. I am not a perfect person, no one is. I have a deep need to be loved AS IS, because I seek to love others that way.
I do not do that perfectly either. But gods know I keep on trying.

And I will not stop loving, living, trying, hoping, believing, caring, nor being true to myself.

Pearls of Wisdom

I stated it before. Many times in the past and in yesterday’s Ramblings.

I have a lot of Faith, Hope, and Love.
(And) The greatest of these is Love.

I will state too that I believe in this wisdom too from the judeo-christian bible.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…

And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

~ I Corinthians 12:4-7 and 13:1

I want to love and live like this.I want to be loved in return like this.

May It Be So.

Thanks for listening.

Shine Dark,
Starra

Monday I had a melt down, and a rough shaky day overall after being handed an Eviction Notice.  Thus I gave into fear yesterday, even as I felt its effects I but Embraced Love again right quick.

I am Learning… *smiles*

In doing so I was embraced quickly by my in no way Ever “Fake” FACEBOOK Friends. As well as Friends here in the TUMBLRVERSE.

Because of the LOVE on Facebook & Good People I know there:

I have a lead on a Job that I can use my Spiritual Gifts, my Empathy, Dream Interpretation, and Divination.

I followed the suggestion of having a Place for DONATIONS to keep my home.
We still Need $100 dollars to pay the past due rent.

AND TODAY:

I am dealing better with my Issues. Taking things and life a moment at a time.

I am holding fast To Faith, Hope, and Love. The Greatest of these IS indeed LOVE.

Love of my self (not ego), my Deity, the Universe and Earth, my Family, my Friends, and never last or least, the Love of a truly Good Man.

And here is a TRUTH for all that goes beyond Tuesdays.

You do not have to be a Christian, or of any religion or spirituality to believe in the Power of LOVE. I am after all a witch. ;)

There are Pearls of Wisdom, Universal Truths, and Insights Everywhere. You only have to be open to them, look for them, and be willing to receive them like so many blessings.

Spiraling Today in a Good Way. Spiraling IN to a Peaceful Center. Spiraling OUT to Love Others.

My thoughts & prayers are with all of those less fortunate, and the storm survivors of “Sandy”. As well as my Loved Ones scattered across the Globe. I hold You in my Heart.

Shine Dark,
Starra

I am a witch.

I believe in many Deities Gods and Goddesses. (in my way of believing) I worship my way.  And as I do, I harm no one by doing so. Yet I do have to be careful in this area of the USA. The bible belt & many corrupt “officials”.

We live in the 21st century. We are supposedly more aware & enlightened persons.
Yet it seems we have a long way to go when a man “allegedly” kills another for “not believing in God”. And I am so sick to my stomach, my heart hurts too over this.