One must have Hopes & Dreams. - (me)
In my thinking and experiences when you do not have them your soul tends to shrivel up, you lose vision, you lose a lot. Bitterness creeps in, the person becomes hardened and sharp edged.
I do not wish to have anything like that happen to me. i was hard, cold, and getting quite jaded for a time in my life. I had to break free from that. It was not easy to do either.
So if being open as well as honest makes me soft, and/or an easy “mark”, so be it. I will take the chance, and in my own way protect myself. I am not all that naive all the time. Obtuse occasionally. Too literal, most times. I tend to take people at their word. I do so because I am so forthright in that I say what I mean, do what I say I will to the best of my ability. So I guess I hold folks to my ways of being.
So in my Hopes and Dreams I hope to be a successful entrepreneur, own several smaller home-based businesses, be a successful writer, own my own home in the country possibly, and to have those silly chickens I talk of. I think the chickens must represent something to me. (Time to dig deeper on that, lol)
Gardens and serenity. Porches and porch swings. Fireplaces and books. I want all of these things too.
My hopes and dreams also include a sensually, erotic adventurous open-minded man who will encourage me to explore, be true to myself, and also not let me get away with “stuff”. A Dom in a sense or a Dom in all senses.
(What I like in a man is listed in my “About Me”.)
“I am still learning” - Michelangelo
I am still learning indeed. Who I am, what I want & need.. and that I seem to have an infinite ability to care & forgive too. Truly I trust few “easily”. I choose to trust because without that how can any relationship hope to flourish? And I must rust so that others can in return trust me.
Closed doors and closed minds, walls and prickly boundaries do not make for healthy relationships in my experience. I tend to help tear down walls and use that to build bridges of communication and understanding.
So yes, I have a hopeful heart, and a cynical mind. Soft and tough (or strength) together. Always a conundrum am I it seems. I aim for simplicity and yet find most see me as complex. Go figure.
I have layers, facets. I am exploring who I am after being three girls “Mommy” and a man’s wife for the past 26 years. I will lose the wife title completely and still be Mom but not Mommy. I do not mind an empty nest as much as I thought I would even a few years ago. I look forward to being my own person.
Although I would be glad to share my life, or a life, with another IF they can truly accept me As Is. I do not want to be fixed so much as accepted and encouraged. It is how I treat others after all.
So even after quite a few heartaches, betrayals of my trust, and others not knowing themselves as well as i thought they did and because of that, I am the one that gets hurt.. I am Still Hoping, Dreaming, Planning My Life…. and I do so with a kind heart, a stronger spirit, no bitterness and a lot of whimsical humour.
Choose Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
I choose to Let Go of those dreams that no longer serve me. I choose to be a friend to many, even those who have hurt me, and I them, for I am nowhere near perfect. And I choose to not wallow in self-pity over my chronic health issues and the pain i deal with daily.
My life is what it is for a reason. I can be a sad sack miserable beeotch, OR I can be someone that others can relate to, feel good around, a friend that genuinely gives a damn, an encourager to/for others, and if I am truly blessed… I can be a woman someone can love, enjoy, talk with, trust, and appreciate.
I am not sitting around though waiting for Life and Love to happen. I have so many things going, even if a few are “just” mentally driven, I feel like I need a break from thinking. (So not in my cards)
I am reaching out to folks, talking to interesting gentlemen, and enjoying flirting. I was born flirting as my Mom stated often.I like people. I like socialising on my own terms. Some places and persons can make my life an Empath Hell.
So I am careful and I take care of me. It is my responsibility to do what is right for me. No one else around to kick or spank my sweet arse into doing the right thing. Though I do wish there was. *smiles & winks*
I am also choosing to move on from emotions that do not help me become who I ought to be. Easier to say than do, for the heart has its own ways. I can only try to change things in me. And to be happy for others as they move on too. I try to be anyways.
Unlike “Master Yoda” I think trying is a good thing. Not trying is the thing I will not do. (Why yes I am a Sci-Fi nerd)
So.. what is in store for me? Divorce, work, life change to gain better health, losing weight for me. Understand this, as a BBW I love myself as I am. I just want to be able to have a lot more agility and body strength.
Saving in a mason jar to do the things I Dream of doing and having. Including my first tattoo. Which I might go to my favourite Southern city Savannah, GA to have done by a local Tattoo Artist. (He did my daughters swallow tat).
And I have a newer dream of being unafraid to drive long distances. I do not like driving much. But one must do what needs must be done. I always admired those who would drive cross country. What an adventure a road trip can be. Though me being me, I might stick to taking the back roads. lol
Thanks For Listening.