NOT!

An amusing to me line on a comic pic I like is:
I’ll go fold laundry. That ought to be fraught with peril.

That is my life. The most dangerous thing I do is think.
And I hardly ever stop thinking. Some say i think too much, or overthink.

Fact is it is in part of my mild BPD (what I was told I had before was Bipolar & gods I fit the “criteria” for some of that, as do many folks with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).

BPD affects my whole life. As does all my physical & mental health conditions & issues. I state “It is what it is.”

What I expect from others is this:

You have to accept me as I am. I do not need anyone “fixing me”. I am not “broken”, I am human and flawed, fallible and prone to making mistakes. But I sure do need the loving acceptance from those who are Family & Friends as I set out to become a better person. Slow and steady.

Observations About Myself:

I react at times when I do not mean to, out of exhaustion and is it is a post online (chat, email, etc) it reads differently. You hear inflections in a spoken voice, so you can tell what a person means. In a chat or email too often things can seem accusatory or even negative to me. If it is “just me”, I try to deal accordingly. If it is not I deal accordingly as well. I prefer emails to chats at times. I prefer voice conversations to emails. And in person is best of all. But some folks I *Know* so well & they me we hardly ever have misunderstandings online. My heart “gets in the way” sometimes of my common sense. Where you care deeply you are oversensitive. Some is me, some is being tired, some is miscommunication & getting to know one another, and some is the BPD causing me to think or feel things. *

*(Not just BPD persons, all of us can be this way. But those with BPD … yeah things get out of proportion for us a bit)

Spiraling

So I feel like a boring person usually. Not much of a social life (not including Y’all here in  the Tumblrverse). I hope to at least get out to the library and beach “soon”. I write some, I reblog a lot (less than I used to though), I am doing more at home and not stretching my emotional self too thin by being “All things to all people”. Self-preservation in that I admit. Maybe even some maturity. Even at 47 I need to mature in areas. Get wiser as I “age”.

I have my daughters (24 & 17) at home, who keep me young at heart and laughing, and yet I am still “The Mom”. She who is reputed to be: The one they know they can come to anytime, who will no matter what Be There For Them. The one who is always the emotional steadfast common sense one. The Strength & Foundation.

Certainly there father has not been this to them. Sad fact, no anger contained therein. Just the facts jack…he is not one they can rely on.

I will be a single mom soon and the weight is already threatening to crush me like a tin can. I might as well be now. 

How the hell do folks make those nebulous ends meet? (Ending the pity party before it can begin) I respect hard working folks and single parents so much. I hope to be a good single Mom.

Praevalebo (latin) = I will prevail.

A mountain of clean laundry awaits to be folded. The girls put it away.
I call laundry my Mt. Never-Rest. It holds true.

My weekend will be cleaning, folding laundry, and time out for the Supernatural “marathon” my daughters & I have going. They want me to catch up on it. I think we are in the 5th Season.
I am a Dean fan by the way. ;)

Shining Dark,
Starra