I am funny, I am naughty-minded, I am giggly on rare occasions.
I am literal, I am obtuse, I am serious.

I am a loyal friend, even more loyal as a Love(r).
I stick by you, I stand firm, and I defend you if others dare to put you down.
I’ ll help fight your demons and battles, and I will take a lot before I “give up”.

I have a need to be careful of being too hurt, or “used” because it has happened so many times before. I trust and when I do I Know I am in danger of hurts and betrayals.It does not mean I do not trust you; it means i have been damaged by others who came before you. I am a work in progress to get stronger, heal and become a better person.

I fail, I try again.
I do not easily give up on myself nor on anyone else.

I get insecure, scared, I am emotional, and I am weepy.

My emotions are right under the surface and I feel things deeply.

I am compassionate, sympathetic, empathetic, fragile, vulnerable, and sweet.
I am feisty, stronger than most,stronger than I realise (stated by others). I have a fierce temper too. (Scottish & dbl Irish)

I piss some folks off because I am so strong and/or intense a personality, and they give up before they begin a relationship or friendship thinking they are “not strong enough for me” or “you are just too much”.
I can usually laugh at that now. Before it cut me so deeply.

If they only knew Me, and took the time to Know The REAL Me.

If pushed I will fight for myself. I detest fighting otherwise. I do it only if I must.
If pushed away or alienated I will set up shields to keep from further injury to my heart & soul.

Self-Preservation it is called.

I understand Self-Preservation now and in others, because I did not utilise it for myself all those years in my emotionally & psychologically abusive marriage. It was not only abuse, it was neglect and ignoring me, my needs and the deeper emotional needs of our children. The ignoring of my health issues was very much forced on me because “I cannot take time off” or “Do you really need to go in?” Guilt is a tool he used on me because I will never inconvenience, take from or harm others willingly. Then the “burden” label was pulled on me too.
After I was told I had Bipolar the spouse just dropped all sense of helping me or dealing with “things”. It was “the straw that broke his back”, so he said. I was “too much too handle with all my issues”.

*(The Bipolar turned out to be a misdiagnosis)

So, I am Too much it seems. As a woman, a personality and with the facts of my health & mental health issues.

Sorry, I do not buy it. I am not too much.

You just are not enough.

Because I am a good person and a wonderful lover. A smart, caring, capable woman who is a good friend, who has a source of love that never dries up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If others do not like me, I shrug it off nowadays. I am not everyone’s cup of tea. And yeah there are always going to be people who never take the time to understand or get to know you.

So be it. Chalk it up as their loss,. your gain. Who needs false friends and/or shallow types?! Not I.

I do not like everyone all the time, some…well not at all. Personality conflicts or them acting in poor taste, unkind, insensitive, hateful, shallow, cruel, racist, prejudice, etc. Not my type of persons these.

I do not usually judge others, but I do not tolerate certain people.

~~~~~~~~~

I am Just Me.

I will fail you. I will lose patience.

I will ask sincerely to be forgiven because I will sincerely be sorry and regret my actions if I have wronged you or been in the wrong.

More often than not though i am going to be there for you when no one else is.

That is Just Me as well.

So I hope we all can start giving each other more chances, learn more about one another, love each other where ever that person is at in their personal &/or spiritual growth.

I find it hard to Love Me at times. I think it is sad that we are told it is narcissistic to love ourselves then told why are you so down on yourself?

Mixed messages hurt so many folks. How about just speaking openly, honestly and plainly.

I know it usually works for me.

Though I am possibly Too plain spoken aka blunt. *sighs*

As my Mom stated: “Sometimes you cannot win for losing”.

Just Be Yourself, Love Yourself, Try not to hurt anyone in the process.
And I will do the same.

If you mess up, do your best to heal the issues. But do not be a door mat.

Balance. Balance is Everything.

Personally, I am Still working on my own Balancing Acts in Life, Spirituality, Work and in Love.


Shine Dark,
Starra